Exhausted by grief and life, I’d already decided to miss my niece's wedding in Cairo. Then the phone rang. A story about saying yes anyway — whirling dervishes, hand-fasting ceremonies, doing my best at Arabic, and the surprising discovery that across ten countries and four continents, we're all the same.
Exhausted by grief and life, I’d already decided to miss my niece's wedding in Cairo. Then the phone rang. A story about saying yes anyway — whirling dervishes, hand-fasting ceremonies, doing my best at Arabic, and the surprising discovery that across ten countries and four continents, we're all the same.
Last October, I was running on empty. Six months after losing my mother, four months after clearing out her house, and still in the middle of planning where to scatter her ashes, I got word that my niece — living in Germany, engaged to a man from Egypt — was getting married in Cairo. I was thrilled for them. But at that moment, I just didn’t think I could summon the energy to attend their ceremony halfway across the world.
I’d already made up my mind to stay home and send my husband as the family representative — until a phone call from my niece changed everything. In this episode, I share how a spontaneous "yes" turned into one of the most moving experiences of my life: officiating my niece's wedding at a 12th-century citadel in Cairo, surrounded by 100 guests from ten countries, a Zaffa dance procession, an actual whirling dervish, a Celtic hand-fasting ceremony, and my own valiant (if imperfect) attempt at an Arabic welcome.
It's a story about grief and joy showing up in the same season of life, about the plans we make versus the ones that find us, and about a dance floor in Cairo that looked a lot like a dance floor back home.
No Time to Be Timid is written and produced by me, Tricia Rose Burt. Our episodes are produced and scored by Adam Arnone of Echo Finch. Our executive producers are Amy Grant, Nancy Perot, and Sage Wheeler. Thanks also to the contributors to my Fractured Atlas fiscal sponsorship, which helps make this podcast happen. No Time to Be Timid is a presentation of No Time to Be Timid Productions.
Hey there, I'm Tricia Rose Burt. And in this podcast, we talk to artists who show us how to find the courage to take risks, step out of our comfort zones, and use our creativity to make our work and change our world. Pay close attention because this is no time to be timid.
Last October, I was just wiped out. It'd been six months since my mother died, only four months since I cleaned out her house, and I was in the planning stages of scattering her ashes, which is a whole other podcast episode. In addition to my story consulting work, I was in my first art show in 17 years, which was exciting, but also required a lot of energy, which I had little of at the time because, well, grief is exhausting.
And in the middle of all this, our beloved niece on my husband's side got engaged. She's Irish, living in Germany, and she announced her engagement to a wonderful man who was from Egypt. The wedding was to be in early April in Cairo. And as exciting as that sounded, and as much as I adored her, the thought of going across the world to Cairo at that moment in time made me want to take to my bed.
So as I was driving the two hours to gallery sit in Gloucester, where my art show was, I started talking to God, as I am wont to do. And I said, You know, God, you know how much I adore my niece. I'm so happy for her, but I I miss my mother and I'm so sad and I'm so tired. This two-hour drive seems monumental. I don't think I can pull off a trip to Cairo. It's so far away. I think it's best if I stay home.
And we just send Eric as the family representative. I had it all figured out. And about 30 minutes later, the phone rings in my car, and it's my niece. And she says, Tricia , I have a question to ask you. And I'm thinking, she probably just wants to borrow my wedding veil. And she takes a deep breath and she says, Would you please be the celebrant at our wedding in Cairo? It took me about a second to say, Of course I will marry you. And I'm so touched.
And I'm crying as I'm driving down Route 128 in Massachusetts. And she's crying at her home in Munich. And her beautiful request just breaks through all my grief and exhaustion and gives me a huge shot of energy and reminds me that there is love and joy and things to celebrate. And I can make all the plans I want, but nine times out of ten, there's an unexpected and way better plan in the works. So I say out loud, Going to Cairo.
Now, I have never officiated a wedding before, much less one in Egypt. And I will admit I was nervous. I wanted to make sure I launched these two people who I cared so much about in a way that was meaningful to them. They were already officially married thanks to civil service in Denmark, but in their minds, this was their wedding. The public declaration of their love for one another in front of family and friends. And as it turns out, those family and friends came from four continents and ten countries. Ireland,
Egypt, Canada, India, America, Australia, Germany, Finland, Spain, and the UK. 100 guests, and I was one of only three Americans, which was just so exciting to me. And since our country was not very popular at the time, having just started a war with Iran, I wanted to make sure I represented as well. Now the wedding took place at the Citadel, which is a massive medieval fortress with breathtaking views of Cairo. Look it up online so you can see the pictures.
The Citadel's basically a new build for Cairo as it was constructed in 12th century AD, unlike the pyramids, which were built around 2500 BC. Most everything in Cairo is ancient. To put it in perspective, America is 250 years old. In Cairo, there are cafes that are 250 years old. Now, the first thing you need to know about an Egyptian wedding is that the bride does not walk down the aisle. The bride
The groom and the entire wedding party, that includes mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, bridesmaids, dance down the aisle, which at this wedding was about 250 feet long, lined with the most beautiful flowers, and a ritual called a zappha. This happens before the ceremony. Here's what it sounded like.
Now after they danced down the aisle, a whirling dervish appeared. I'm not kidding, an actual whirling dervish. Here's what the whirling dervish music sounds like.
After the dancing and the whirling, the ceremony begins. Now, at least 20 people at the wedding only spoke Arabic, and it was decided that the groom's brother, who might be one of the nicest and most patient people on the planet, would translate everything I said. And I decided I would begin the ceremony welcoming guests in Arabic to honor the people in the country who were hosting this wedding. Just so you know, Arabic is hard, really hard.
So I told the groom's brother what I wanted to say, and God bless him, he wrote it out phonetically for me and gave me a recording to practice from. This is how it's supposed to sound. Salamu Aleiku. I practiced a lot, but languages are not my zone of genius. This is how it sounded when I said it.
Al Narda, notafel, the Gawas Imogen, we gather, Behaza of Akan El Gamil. The congregation gave me an A for effort. A Celtic harp is played. I read a poem by Rilka and shared some thoughts on marriage. The bride and groom said their vows and celebrated their union by partaking in a hand fasting ceremony. A hand fasting ceremony is an ancient Celtic ritual.
Where the couple's hands are bound together with ribbons or fabric to symbolize their commitment to one another. This, by the way, is where the English phrase tying the knot comes from. For this wedding, they tied a Celtic knot that was presented by the bride's grandmother, my intrepid mother-in-law, and a tie that was the groom's father's, who had died years before, which was presented by the groom's mother, whom I'd grown to cherish in just three days. I couldn't help but tear up.
And the crowd went wild.
After the ceremony, we had a feast. And then we danced. And I mean danced. Egyptians are some of the most joyous people in the world. And it's infectious. So here were all these people from all these countries dancing with abandon. I wouldn't have wanted to be any other place than on that dance floor. I'd made new friends across the globe. I was surrounded by my Irish family whom I adore, and I'd fallen in love with the groom's family, his mother.
His brothers and his sister-in-law, who could move her hips on the dance floor in ways I could only dream about. They were my family now, too. Now the groom is the eldest of three boys, and they reminded me of my brother and his family. My brother has three boys too. And at each of their wedding receptions, they danced around their mother, whose name is Caroline, singing the song Sweet Caroline at the top of their lungs. A mother basking in the love of her three sons on a dance floor.
And the same thing was happening here thousands of miles away. Three boys dancing around their mother in a hijab, singing Egyptian songs at the top of their lungs.
I thought, we are all the same. We may speak different languages and have different customs, but when it comes right down to it, we are all the same.
Thanks for joining us. And hey, if you have a minute, please check out my TEDx talk that's now live. It's called How I Redeemed 35 Years of Regret. I talk about a decision I made in my 20s that I regretted for three decades and finally made right in my 60s after making an audacious move. You can view it on my website at Tricia Roseburt.com or on YouTube by searching for Tricia Rose Burt TEDx Portsmouth.
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No Time to Be Timid is written and produced by me, Tricia Rose Burt. Our episodes are produced and scored by Adam Arnone of Echo Finch. And our executive producers are Amy Grant, Nancy Perot, and Sage Wheeler. I'd also like to thank contributors to my fractured Atlas fiscal sponsorship, which helps make this podcast happen.
No Time to Be Timid is a presentation of No Time to Be Timid Productions.